Well I must be that much of a bad person that people keep slipping away from me....
As much as I helped out with problems and educated them on the things they didn't know and just flat out being there for them, I feel as if I am being treated like pure 100% shit. I feel as if I should be accepted for who I am but there are points that were made that I am changing and that's a good thing I think. But nothing is going to stop that feeling I have right now. I don't have many friends, I have lots of associates that don't give a shit about me and personally I don't really care too much about them. I only care about 3 but only I think 1 still care about me, sucks...but eh...
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
My life change
So I was out with my mom for the past 2 days and she kept looking at my ribbon, finally she asked me what it was for and I let her know that there were a few things that I need to change about myself, her exact words were, and I quote, "Why are you changing things about yourself, you are fine the way you are" I told her about the things I want to change and that it was causing me friends and she said again....and I quote "Well if they were your real friends, they wouldn't care how you were, fuck them" My mom can be a bit...harsh...but I don't want to be like her at all, her attitude is not that great either and she realizes it sometimes herself. I just need more positive people in my life because what I put out is what I learned...
All my life it was all about black power and black this and black that...and we got to stand up for ourselves and so on and so forth...and whites aint shit and white trash and racisim...this comes mostly from my mom and my aunt...but how do you stop racisim when your racist against another race? It don't make sense to me. I understand racism happened many many years ago and it still happens today, hell there are still slaves in Africa.
I just need to get away from all of the negativity because I am trying to change...not get worse. Maybe I will start doing something during the days since I am not working...I guess go to the gym...work out my frustrations, get my stomach flat finally...cause this little buldge isn't cute!
Ja Ne!
All my life it was all about black power and black this and black that...and we got to stand up for ourselves and so on and so forth...and whites aint shit and white trash and racisim...this comes mostly from my mom and my aunt...but how do you stop racisim when your racist against another race? It don't make sense to me. I understand racism happened many many years ago and it still happens today, hell there are still slaves in Africa.
I just need to get away from all of the negativity because I am trying to change...not get worse. Maybe I will start doing something during the days since I am not working...I guess go to the gym...work out my frustrations, get my stomach flat finally...cause this little buldge isn't cute!
Ja Ne!
Monday, June 6, 2011
A change for the better.
Whoa! I haven't been here since I started this blog, I sorta forgot about it but I will make use of it. So on June 3rd of this year, Dr. Jack Kevorkian died...I found that out a couple hours ago from my mom..crazy but I guess it was his time.
Anyways! Well about 2 days ago, I got into a really BAD arguement with a really good friend of mine about how I let every little thing bother me...not going to deny it...I do and that shit needs to change, I also need to stop and think before I act. What brought it on? An incident that happened earlier in the day but was waited until way later to be talked about. I came up with the ribbon method for myself, I seen some people try it and it worked for people who have very forgetful minds. I went out yesterday and took pics in BBG's and some things were pulling at me, but I felt the uncomfortable feeling of the ribbon on my wrist and I was just let it pass. Honestly, it's not that bad at all. I just need a change in my personality, I always knew it but it is hard and it's isn't an easy change.
I am more interested in keeping the rest of my friends, I don't want to loose anymore of the little friends that I have and if anything, would LOVE to repair my relationship with this friend, known her for WAY to damn long to let my shitty attitude ruin that shit. But for right now we aren't talking to each other at all and I will use this time to renovate the way I handle things. I can be a bitch, much of the time there isn't a reson for me to be like that. That needs to go.
The first step was realizing and understanding what the problem is, the second step is to make the damn change. I am not going to change my personality 100% because that's just who I am, but I WILL NOT let just anything bother me any longer. I WILL be a much more positive person and to my dearest "friend" no matter how much I am hated right now by you, I on the other hand will always have that love for you, I don't think that will ever go away, I can't just love two of you and leave one out...I can't do that...
I also have another friend who is very crazy and all over the place she has told me that the same friend has called her out on some things, she only told me about one of the things and I honestly completely understand what the upset friend is saying because truthfully, she needs to be a bit more clear on what she means when she says things because alot of the times we think she means one thing but she means something else. I explained to her that she cannot say something to a whole group of people and then later on specify what she means...and that's not just with us, that is for everybody that hangs out from her.
Yanno I never thought it was this bad but it took somebody else to be highly upset with me to tell me that it was. Being in this house isn't helping either, sitting on my ass all day definately isn't helping me. This house has been full of negetivity for years...it sucks because I have to sleep here...My mom is having troubles with the mortgage, the bank is threatening to take it from us and honestly...take the damn house because I honestly beleive that it will give my mom and I a piece of mind, we would definately feel better, my mom would stop getting sick from all of the stress...I will stop getting grays at a young age! But until then, we have to make the best of the situation until some sort of move is made, either by my mother, or the bank.
Well that's all for now, I will try to update this blog as much as I can!
Anyways! Well about 2 days ago, I got into a really BAD arguement with a really good friend of mine about how I let every little thing bother me...not going to deny it...I do and that shit needs to change, I also need to stop and think before I act. What brought it on? An incident that happened earlier in the day but was waited until way later to be talked about. I came up with the ribbon method for myself, I seen some people try it and it worked for people who have very forgetful minds. I went out yesterday and took pics in BBG's and some things were pulling at me, but I felt the uncomfortable feeling of the ribbon on my wrist and I was just let it pass. Honestly, it's not that bad at all. I just need a change in my personality, I always knew it but it is hard and it's isn't an easy change.
I am more interested in keeping the rest of my friends, I don't want to loose anymore of the little friends that I have and if anything, would LOVE to repair my relationship with this friend, known her for WAY to damn long to let my shitty attitude ruin that shit. But for right now we aren't talking to each other at all and I will use this time to renovate the way I handle things. I can be a bitch, much of the time there isn't a reson for me to be like that. That needs to go.
The first step was realizing and understanding what the problem is, the second step is to make the damn change. I am not going to change my personality 100% because that's just who I am, but I WILL NOT let just anything bother me any longer. I WILL be a much more positive person and to my dearest "friend" no matter how much I am hated right now by you, I on the other hand will always have that love for you, I don't think that will ever go away, I can't just love two of you and leave one out...I can't do that...
I also have another friend who is very crazy and all over the place she has told me that the same friend has called her out on some things, she only told me about one of the things and I honestly completely understand what the upset friend is saying because truthfully, she needs to be a bit more clear on what she means when she says things because alot of the times we think she means one thing but she means something else. I explained to her that she cannot say something to a whole group of people and then later on specify what she means...and that's not just with us, that is for everybody that hangs out from her.
Yanno I never thought it was this bad but it took somebody else to be highly upset with me to tell me that it was. Being in this house isn't helping either, sitting on my ass all day definately isn't helping me. This house has been full of negetivity for years...it sucks because I have to sleep here...My mom is having troubles with the mortgage, the bank is threatening to take it from us and honestly...take the damn house because I honestly beleive that it will give my mom and I a piece of mind, we would definately feel better, my mom would stop getting sick from all of the stress...I will stop getting grays at a young age! But until then, we have to make the best of the situation until some sort of move is made, either by my mother, or the bank.
Well that's all for now, I will try to update this blog as much as I can!
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